Why I Didn’t Stop Writing, Even When I Seriously Thought about It
How have I found humility on the writing journey? Let me count the ways.
I know that people tend to hear negative feedback much more loudly than positive feedback. Fortunately, I’ve received plenty of positive feedback about my writing over the years, which has helped me persevere, despite these humbling experiences:
A college creative writing class where every one of my submissions garnered the feedback: “Well, this really isn’t a story, so there isn’t much to say about it. Let’s move on to the next person.”
First submission at an MFA program which got the feedback: “There really isn’t much to say about this as it’s not exactly a story, so we’ll move on to the next person, and you and I can talk later in my office.” That was the day I thought: I’m either never going to write another word or I’m never going to give up and I have to decide today.
A submission to a romance writer’s contest, back when I’d hardly read any romances other than Pride and Prejudice and thought, “I’ll just write a romance novel. That will be easy.” I came in dead last in the contest and three judges kindly pointed out to me that I didn’t know the first thing about what a romance novel even was, let alone how to write one.
And there have been plenty of other moments along the way that have made me wonder why I keep doing this writing thing, moments when I’ve thought: “I know I’m never going to get a story in The New Yorker or win the Pulitzer Prize, so really, what’s the point?” Thankfully, following those moments, I’ve managed to pull my head out of the sand: “Seriously, Kate? Did you really just think that if you don’t get a story into The New Yorker or win the Pulitzer Prize, then there’s no point in writing or sharing your writing? Let’s try some humility, please.”
So, why do I keep doing this writing thing?
I remember asking a friend in high school: “Do you have people who don’t actually exist doing all kinds of things in your head?” She shook her head, looking worried. I couldn’t explain it. All I knew was that I was often more interested in watching the movies in my mind than in what was actually happening around me. I also wondered what other people thought about if they didn’t have this kind of thing going on upstairs. By the time my twenties came around, the people in my head were clamoring to get out and I thought, I need to write down what they’re doing, because if I can’t put these people somewhere, I’m going to lose my mind.
So, the number one reason I keep writing is to get these people out of my head, so I don’t lose my mind. :)
The second reason I keep writing is because it is my quest in life to figure out how to tell a story. For some people, this may come easily, but not for me. Somehow, I got through an entire MFA program without ever hearing about the concept of a developmental editor. Fortunately, the universe provides, and I met one on vacation. When she described what she did I thought, “Huh. That might be helpful.” It has been and I’m glad to know that other writers have trouble figuring out the story arc, too.
The third reason I keep writing is that these people in my head (old, familiar friends and new ones that keep showing up) have provided me with a lifetime of entertainment and I want to figure out how to share at least a small portion of that with others. In order to do that, I need to finish some stories to the point that I feel willing to release them into the world. (I know I’ll never get to the point where I don’t think they could still use a little more work.) I have received so much pleasure and joy and soul nourishment from other writers who managed to finish their stories and share them and I’m so grateful for that. Now, after decades of writing, I have finished four short stories that I’ve been willing to share. They won’t win the Pulitzer Prize, but they’re done and out there. For the readers who’ve let me know they’ve enjoyed my stories, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You’re giving me the encouragement I need to keep at this writing thing and work on finishing my many novels-in-progress.
The fourth reason I keep writing is because I want my children to see me doing what I love, what brings me joy, and to see me willing to work hard for something not because of some illusive goals of money or prestige but just because I somehow feel called to write stories. And I want them to know they have permission to put their heart and soul into whatever it is in their own lives that they feel called to do.
I could probably come up with a hundred more reasons that I keep writing, but that’s enough for now.